Zim's Blog

New Computer

2010-08-13T20:57:00.001-07:00

My computer was sadly outdated. I replaced it, much to the anxiety of the Dib-creature. He’s been trying to convince GIR to stick a camera in my base, which doesn’t work. I’ve been reigning in Cheche a bit, because some people are actually concerned when Dib enters the school building with a black eye and a broken nose, even though it is his fault.

The visit from the Tallest went smoothly- it was a lot longer than I suspected it would be, and I couldn’t write in my blog while they were here, I had to make sure their trip was perfect! They were impressed by my progress on my latest plan and expect to hear another update soon. I’ll write again later,

The Tallest

2010-06-22T09:08:00.001-07:00

The Tallest are here. Or, rather, not here, but in the tiny patch of space known as Earth's territory. I sent them the diagram of my latest plan and they are checking it out, making sure it's plausible, cause, y'know, they haven't always been in the past. They're coming down tomorrow to see my base and point out any flaws in the system or my plan. I'm kind of excited I guess you'd say.

Care is over to help me get the house ready. She's complaining because she can't sleep 'cause her mom took down her curtains and didn't put new ones up. I can empathize but I can't really sympathize, seeing as I don't sleep. Of course, she doesn't care. She just wants to rant.

Apparently my house is very dusty and Care and I are sitting on the couch, eating an Irken licking stick and telling GIR, Cheche, and Minimoose how clean the house well enough to pass inspection from people with even the worst cases of OCD. (Sometimes I think Care is one of those people, but don't tell her that). She's making them dust, swiffer, then vacuum, plus scrubbing all the encrusted crap off the floors from GIR's cooking explosions or my regular explosions (if you can call explosions regular). Then they have to polish all the floors until they shine. I guess this "guest" thing is harder than I thought.

She's leaving in 30 minutes and is leaving me a list of things I have to do, like clean all the computer monitors, clean the computer (which is another word for the house, but I think she meant all the cables), clean out all the subject tanks, expecially the ones with dead creatures in them (apparently that's bad hygiene).

So... I have to go. She's making me pay attention. UGH!!

Z

InvaderCON

2010-06-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about going to InvaderCON. I mean, it's in MY honor, so I should go, right? It seems like a waste of my precious time though. I'm starting to get these microexpressions down, so I can tell when humans are lying. Like I could tell when Dib was lying to me about being over his want to catch me. Whatever, Dib. YOU SHRUGGED YOUR SHOULDER LIAR!

Anyway, InvaderCON kinda sounds interesting. I'm trying to wrestle up the money from my job to pay for the plane fare, because I can't use regular gas in my voot cruiser, and I'm waiting for a new shipment to come in. I already have the money from my last paycheck to pay for the ticket, but the plane fare's gonna be about $400. $400 I do not have. But, hopefully I will.

I figure I'll need about 750-800 dollars for this trip. Care's planning on going too, using her job. Her dad said he'd have to go too, and I think Sydney and Dib are also going. We'd probably have to coordinate for that. Dib and Sydney would probably have seats away from us on the plane so we didn't get in any fights. Whatever. I'm not in the mood for his nonsense anyway. I'm trying to actually have a plan that won't fall through like all the others, which is why I don't write very much about my plans. If I write, Dib will read. And I need to prevent that if I want to take down this filthy rock.

The tallests are coming near Earth in a few days. I asked them to possibly visit Earth- they could check on my progress, and we could chat for a bit. (We WERE classmates, after all). I really want them to see my latest plan- I've been working on it for a while and thinking it through more than I normally do, so I have hope for it. And the Tallest and I are old friends (if it's possible for 3 irkens to be friends) so it's been a while since we talked. I'm kind of excited for the trip- I gave GIR and Cheche new paint jobs- they look squeaky clean, but GIR went and jumped in the first mud puddle he could find when it rained last night.

Oh well, see ya later

Z

Last Day of School

2010-06-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

Today's the last day of school- crazy right? June 15th. Of course, I decided to skip. I think Care did too- she wasn't feeling good yesterday. I'm not really doing much today- I'm studying human emotions because Care started watching the television show Lie to Me and pointed out to me that there is much more to lying than simply controlling your face. I'm trying to program into my PAK the ability to see these "microexpressions", but it's taking a while. I guess that's Care's new thing- she's been taking test after test to see if she can do it. The first time she took one, she only got two wrong out of 10, which, (as she boasted to me over text) is better than a so called "natural" whose blog she read. Which is impressive, I guess.

Anyway, I'll write some more later.

Cya,
Z.

P.S. Here's the link to the test: It's pretty difficult, I only got 3 out of 10 my first try!
http://www.cio.com/article/facial-expressions-test

I Love Wisconsin!

2010-06-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

I went to Wisconsin over the weekend- to Madeline Island. It was a long weekend, because of Memorial Day. It was a lot of fun Care told me to go cliff jumping while I was there, but I didn't have time. I went to Big Bay State & Town Park (Yes, both of them!) Because I wanted to know the difference. Big Bay State park is like a bunch of cliffs- I guess that's what Care meant by cliff jumping. I've gone there ever since I got on this rock, so I like it up there. Big Bay Town Park has a big lagoon- I went wading into it and had some leeches clinging to me... giving me ideas.

I'm working on possibly genetically enhancing leeches to grow larger with each generation. It doesn't take leeches very long to reproduce, so it will be a pretty short project. I would like them to be large enough to swallow a human meat-sac whole... maybe they could do some damage. Ah! I gotta go!!! THE TANK!!! AHHH!!! GIR!!! CHECHE STOP HIM!!!!! (bye!)

Research

2010-04-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

I've been doing some research about the so called "Na'vi" from Avatar and have been referencing all the information about them in the movie in my computers database searching for aliens similar to them, and I came up with 2 that are actually quite similar. I looked at the differences and realized my computer was wrong (I know, scandalous!) and they were actually the SAME SPECIES! So, my conclusion? The director, (I don't know his name, and I don't care- Care would be pissed I just said that she loves that movie) must've been abducted. Anyway, on to more interesting news- They're finishing the unaired episodes of IZ. Amazing, right? Care can't wait to see 10 minutes to doom and The Trial. Well, I know this was short, but I have to go. Bye!

Z

Finally weekend!

2010-04-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

It's FINALLY the weekend, and it's the BIG ONE, folks. The weekend after Avatar came out. Great movie- Care went out around a half an hour after waking up yesterday to buy Avatar and watched it as soon as she got home from school with Sydney, me, Dib, and Mackenzie. Today in Science we were doing a lab with toothpicks to show radioactive aging or something... so Care and Jay were partners, and they were finally getting along. He wasn't stealing her calculator, or pencil, or something for ONCE! I was happy for her, cause she's liked him for AGES. Everyone can tell, except for him. They still need to finish the project on Monday, so hopefully he'll act the same, and them she won't be able to rule it off as him just being in a good mood. Cause, you know, I want something good to happen to her for a change, when it comes to guys for once, you know?

Well, I'm really busy this weekend. Care is too. She has a babysitting job, she might work for her dad, and she's hanging out with her friend Oana (pronounced WANNA) downtown, hopefully. All in 2 days! Sometimes I think being a human teenage must be really stressfull...

Zim.

No update.

2010-04-17T13:02:00.001-07:00

Sorry I didn't update again, even though I said I would. But, in my defense, I did type up an update- but saving failed and it disappeared. So I was too lazy to repeat myself all over again. I had a late start on Thursday- it was great, I got to skip school. What's the point in only going to 4 hours of school? Care got to skip first and second hours- she had a dental appointment. She's getting her braces off in 2 weeks! It's awesome, but I think she's dreading it. I'm actually heading over to Care's in a little bit- and yes, I do spend a lot of time over at her house. I guess she's like my best worm-friend. Apparently she stayed up all night reading some Invader Zim comic she needs me to see, so it might not be a very long stay.

I'm not sure if it's good for me to have a good friend like Care- it's distracting me from my duties. But I don't really care right now. She helps understand many human customs and traditions that I don't understand. She's the reason I know chat talk, and slang, the reason I know that some people say y'all (actually, meeting her cousins taught me that, they live in Sugarland Texas) and some other interesting tidbits about human speech. In return, I'm trying to teach her irken- she already knows how to write it but the lacks the skill to learn how to speak it. It's not like learning French, (which even I sometimes need her help with). Irken is an entirely alien language. Your human tongues are not accustomed to speaking irken- you are limited without the cylindrical shaped tongue in the noises you can make. I'm trying to compile a dictionary for her, but it takes too long.

Most people at school think it's wierd that we'd be friends. I don't know why, it seems completely natural for us to be friends to me, but other kids don't think so. Maybe they think I'm so wierd that I don't deserve to have friends. I don't know, I don't care. Well, I gotta go. Bye bye!

Z (or as Care calls me, Zimmy. UGH!)

Pondering

2010-04-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

The second day of MCA reading testing went well. Finished even earlier than yesterday, I regret to say. Care managed to almost fall asleep, then seemed to remember she had her contacts in and jolted upright in her horrid plastic stool. After sighing, and staring at the book she didn't want to read, she concerned herself with throwing bits of paper in Jay's hair.

In french we're doing possesive adjectives. Mme. Budion is throwing on the homework a bit thick, if you ask me. It's crazy! It's not hard for me, but I'm over at Care's helping her because, as she says, SHE wasn't gifted with the ability to download everything into her brain.

I have to go early. I'll come back and write another one either later, or tomorrow. Or the next day, I don't know. I have to go help Care throw the tennis ball for her dog, Daisy Mae. There's a pic of her up top. Awesome dog!!! BTW, that pic was taken by Care. You like??

Irken Invader Zim

BUSY

2010-04-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

Ugh. I've been so busy this week, between hanging out with friends and schoolwork. We have MCAs this week you see, (Minnesota Comprehensive Assessments) and they are as dull as dull can be. Care doesn't mind 'em, but I just HATE them with a passion. Stuck in that awful first hour class, teetering on a stool that is slowly turning my legs numb... becoming depressed as I look at the clock and note that I still have one more monotonous hour left doing nothing, (because, to no one's surprise, I finised 30 minutes into the time.)

I looked over 30 minutes later and saw one of my friends, Jay, had fallen asleep in his desk. some kid threw a paper airplane at him, which missed him by an inch, I regret to say. It would've been a good break in the boredom for him to wake up screaming.

Care was sitting on her stool, having been thrown to the back of the wastepaper basket they call a classroom as well, twiddling her foot with a pained expression on her face. When throwing her a questioning glance, she threw a wad of paper at me, ignoring a glare from the teacher. When I uncrumpled it, I read:

My foot fell asleep. It hurts! I can't feel my toes. Should I be concerned????

I laugh at her pain... haha. But, at least she wasn't wearing boots and gloves. I've given up the arm length gloves, instead going for a wrist length. They're still really warm in the summer. And I'm still wearing my boots... WAAY TO WARM

Anyway, this is my class schedule:

Advisory: Mr. Smith
Hour 1: Science, Mrs. Christopher
Hour 2: FACS, Mrs. Petersen
Hour 3: French, Mme. Budion
Hour 4: Algebra (I didn't feel like geometry, wanted to stick with Care) Mr. Sebo (or Sebot)
Hour 5: Civics, Mr. Bonine (Or Boniner, as some of my friends call him. HAHA)
Hour 6: Honors English, Mrs. Myatt (She sucks at teaching)

That's my schedule. I have lunch after French. Pretty boring day, huh? Well... I gotta go.

Zim out!

Yardwork. UGH!!!

2010-04-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm over at Care's, and we're watching this awesome show that she's like obsessed with, Merlin, and her aunt asks us to come do yardwork. She seemed really hesitant around me for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm still small for a teenage boy, or maybe because I have green skin. I dunno. So she gets out these rakes and tells us we have to rake all the dead leaves that have accumulated off the hostia buds. She was supposed to help, but she had surgery on her shoulder, so that was ok.

It wasn't that bad, because we'd ran out of time on megavideo to watch Merlin, but we were almost done with watching the second season so, naturally, we wanted to go back inside, but Care insisted that we finish it. When you get her working, she REFUSES to stop! IT BUGS ME!!! So we split up the yard so we wouldn't get in each other's way, and in 10 minutes my arms were aching and I only had a small pile. When looking over at Care, she was almost done. Jerk. I blame it on the stupid gravity, pressing down on me. Everyone else is used to it on this planet but me... I can feel it at all times, it's like I'm in a compressor!!!

Care opted to help me, after getting a drink, and we finished within 10 minutes. (I will admit she did most of the work.) We headed back inside, after throwing a ball for one of the border collies, Lily. Then Care naturally had to throw a frisbee for Flower, cause she's ancient and feels left out, and then Stella got into the picture, making everything much more complex. Stella is the NEEDIEST DOG IN THE WORLD!!!!! But she's really sweet, so that's ok. Care and I then headed back inside, made Mac & Cheese, Spongebob shaped, and finished watching Merlin.

Girls. Are. The. Wierdest. People. EVER!!! When we reached the finale of Merlin Care sat watching with bated breath. Merlin met his father, who was a Dragon Lord, blah blah, interesting stuff later... and then his father died. Saving Merlin. Care was... wow. She started crying. It was sad, but not crying sad!!! I dunno, I think she just thinks the actor who plays Merlin is cute so she cries when he cries...

Well I gotta go, she's coming back! AHH!! RUN!!! oh yeah, Check out: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Team-Zim/106240842750108?ref=ts JOIN

DINOSAURS!

2010-04-05T16:56:00.000-07:00

RAWR!!! CHOMP!!! Do you have any idea what it's like hanging around kids who like dinosaurs all day is like? I SWEAR- I will never let Care talk me into babysitting with her again. But, the dinosaurs DID give me a great idea. I can't really sit around typing this for an hour- I have french and math homework to do that I put off so I could sit around watching Merlin with Care. So this one'll be short.

On a brighter side, I have made a facebook page. It is TEAM ZIM!!! So yeah... join filthy stink-beasts, etc. etc. Well, I gotta go. SEE YAS!

Z

Hangin out. (again)

2010-04-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

I'm just hanging out at Care's house today. She has like, 5 dogs at her mom's, did you know that? It's like a freaking ZOO. The concert was fun. There was a point where Chevelle was playing that they had a space ship background. I think Dib thought I was muttering about being a normal human or something, because he actually SMILED at me when I said it looked like a giant plate and nothing at all like any spaceship I've ever seen. Idk, he's strange. I loved Chevelle. Care told me the next day that her brother was super jealous that Chevelle had played and, as he asked: "Why was Chevelle opening for Three Days Grace? Three Days Grace should open for Chevelle!" Whatever.

I've had Cheche do some spring cleaning. She's already found three spy-cams and is currently scanning the house for more. Care and I are just hangin out outside, walking to Grand Avenue, and throwing this chewed up ball for two of the dogs, Flower and Lily. There are:

3 border collies:
Flower (oldest)
Lulu
Lily (youngest

1 golden retriever
Stella

1 Black lab
Daisy,

Daisy and Stella like tennis balls, but the other three love this one dodgeball!

Anyway, I gotta go... Stella is slobbering on me. Talk to you all later!

Zim

Ah... how nice it is to have 2 SIR units...

2010-03-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

Cheche and GIR did it!!! Yes, you can be skeptic. GIR distracted everyone and Cheche grabbed all the copies she saw and deleted it off their entire database. She even managed to hypnotize one of the guards and ask whether there was any other possible ways they could play the video, and he told her no. I walked past the studio and managed to make my way inside and everyone was freaking out, screaming "WHERE ARE THE TAPES?!?!?!?" haha!

Just to be sure, I also sent them to Dib's house... GIR distracted Dib- can't believe he fell for that... while Cheche deleted it off his laptop and every other device he owned and ate every copy in the room- and she used a kinda x-ray thing to find everyone. She did the same thing to Dib that she did to the guard, and I AM POSITIVE he fell for it- he had all the symtoms to being under a hypnotic spell. And I did a test on him to check that he was. We asked him whether he had anymore copies, and he did! Thanks for telling me about the hidden ones in the vault, Dib. I had Cheche run a scan on the entire city, including computers, and there wasn't a trace of any. There's no way there is any footage that still exists.

Z

Dib, Dib, Dib...

2010-03-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

Any of you readers who keep up with Dib's boring blog will know that he has sent the tapes of me going to get Gir to Mysterious Mysteries. Seeing as I read his blog, I've sent Cheche after them. I'm just posting this in case any of you were worried.

Seeya!

Zim

YAWN!

2010-03-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

Life on planet Earth is uneventful. I don't know how you humans can STAND to be here all of your miserable short lives. I look forward to leaving this planet behind and never looking back. (Though of course I will... seeing a planet being destroyed is so FUNNY! You will not believe it!) The only thing that gets me through this miserable existance on this planet is knowing I will not be here forever. I will leave, preferably sooner than later. Oh my god.... times like these... I thought inspiration would strike. It clearly isn't, but I will blab on about my problems to you anyway, and maybe tell you a story Care told me at school. She's a huge fan of Jhonen Vasquez, (=P) so she wants to make it into a comic. Too bad she sucks at drawing.

Haha! I'm kidding. Fool, you thought I was serious, didn't you?!? I never insult my stink-human friends. Did I ever mention to you how Jhonen got the idea for Invader Zim? (He may have a different account on how it happened, but this is the truth! -or maybe not...- DUH DUH DUUUUUH!!!)

I was checking out planets for Tallest Miyuki with a bunch of other irkens, school buds. (We hated each other.) Believe it or not, it was Red and Purple, along with Skooge. We came to Earth, and began to search for it. Red and Purple forgot about it, which is why they thought they were sending me nowhere.

So, while checking out this strange planet, a human saw us. We didn't have our disguises on, so we quickly grabbed the little latino child. We couldn't agree on what to do with it- Red and I wanted to just kill the little creepy child, who was staring at us with these giant eyes but Purple and Skooge were arguing not to. So.. we put him down and hoped he'd just be assumed crazy. Cool story, huh? I know it's not, haha.

Hm... new topics. I'm sitting on the couch, trying to think of things to talk about. I don't really know much. I'm trying to write a real loooooong post so you people who actually read this won't bite my head off when I don't post for 2 days again. Well, I'll go to last resorts. I'll tell you Care's story. She's actually sitting right next to me right now, watching TV, occasionally peering over at me then turning back to look at the television screen as I growl and snap at her for watching me write. I hate it when people watch me write. I only do it if I reaaalllly have to. I'll post the actual writing of it when she finishes typing it... so it'll be a lot better. I'm not gonna include all the details. Here goes...

The story starts in a seemingly normal suburb. All the houses are exactly the same, except for one, in the middle of the street. What's this? There's movement! Every door excluding the middle one opens, and out of each house a man steps out. Each man looks exactly the same, from his balding head to his raggedy slippers and #1 DAD cup. They shuffle out toward the newspaper, and all in one fluid motion pick it up. They take a sip of their coffee and walk simultaneously back into their homes.

A boy pokes his head out of the middle home. He is normal, but not in the same "normal" way the neighbors are. He slings his bag over his shoulder and takes a step out of the door. In that millisecond he steps out of the door the bus appears in front of his house. He gets in and leaves.

around 6 hours later...

The boy returns home. He is practically hurled from the bus as it speeds away, barely waiting for him to leave. He enters his home and POP! His hair grows into a stylish emo cut. (She thinks that's stylish. I'm quoting here!) POP! His eyes grow bigger and more haunted looking. BOOM! His shirt turns from a smiley face to a skull. His Adidas turn into black converse high tops and his jeans turn into skinny jeans. He is now an emo boy. A cat twines itself around his legs and meows pitifully. He sighs and grabs a leash, clipping it onto the kitty's collar.

Outside, all of his neighbors are sitting on lawn chairs reading the same book. EVERY SINGLE ONE. (she doesn't know what book yet.) He begins to walk his cat when all the neighbors look up at him. He starts to get nervous, tugging on the leash to get his cat to move faster. A little line of identical neighbor boys walk up to him, holding a red ball in their hands. The same boy plays in each yard. They look up at Jay (that's his name)

"What's your name?" The little boys ask.

"Jay." Jay replies. "What's yours?"

"Tommy." The little boys all said at the same time. "Jay is a wierd name." They finish.

"Um... I guess." Jay says.

"Walking your cat is wierd too." They say, "Why don't you act more normal?"

" 'Cause I don't want to." Jay says. The boys start to shake. They begin to convulse violently, falling to the ground shakily. They open their eyes and stare at Jay, who backs up in horror when he sees their black eyes. They open their mouth and the inside of their mouth is black too.

"Kill the nonbeliever!" They shriek. Jay yells in fear as the children's faces split in half, exposing a new, buglike face underneath. A giant bug crawled out of the children's bodies, about the same size as the children were. He looked around and all of the neighbors had split open and hundreds of bugs are crawling towards him. His cat hisses and hides behind his legs. He shrieks and runs to his door.

There is a single frame of the insects surrounding his door before he opened his door and ran inside. He stands for a moment before collapsing onto his couch. He closes his eyes and when he opens them his parents are standing in front of him.

"The neighbors are complaining." The mother says, glaring sternly. "They say you're disrupting the peace."

"Why'd we have the wierd kid?" The dad grumbles.

"I don't want to be normal!" Jay presses. "I didn't do anything but walk the cat!"

"Normal is in your blood." His parents hiss, and their faces split, revealing the hideous bug creatures. Jay runs up to his room and locks himself in.

This is a really bad rendering of it.... I will put the finished one up when Care finishes it.

I'M GOING TO A 3 DAYS GRACE CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAYYY!

Z OUT!

Hangin out

2010-03-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today was AWFUL! Days like these at this awful school remind me why I'm here in the first place. TO KILL YOU ALL. Dumn humans. I mean no offense towards you... but yeah, I need you to die. There are only 2 things on this stupid planet I would save: Care and her cat. They're the only humans who DON'T enfuriate me to the point of killing them. I swear! Today in Facs I was cooking with your disgusting food because it was the only STUPID elective left in your DISGUSTINGLY PATHETIC school system. How do you learn anything?!?!?!?

So I'm cooking, right? And some blejeut (best way I can translate that for y'all.) dumps WATER!!! on my HEAD!!!! So I'm rolling around in pain with the STUPID Dib-human roaring with laughter as Care tries desperately to dry me off. It didn't work. That's what I get for NOT bathing in paste today! But of course, I thought all of that was BEHIND me! UGGGH!

Mrs. Peterson didn't even know what was wrong with me. She was very concerned. Of course, Mrs. Bitters had left all my middle school teachers with a note about all my "special" issues. Water was not one of them. Anyway, I'll update again later... Cyas!

Z

Gimme a break!

2010-03-23T13:03:00.000-07:00

So Dib has this STUPID idea that I'm the cause of all his problems at the moment! He thinks I BRAINWASHED his dad. WHATEVER DIB- I DID NO SUCH THING!

Other than stupid accusations, my routine is finally back to normal. I'm hanging out at my friend Care's house today, with her kitty Kat. Things are getting intense between Kat and her dog, Daisy. Care's in the bathroom at the moment, which is why I can snatch this moment to write in my blog. Care, of course, is like Dib. She instantly knew I was an alien when she saw me- it's our constant joke that she's insane too. Of course, she doesn't mind Dib all that much. She's actually kinda friends with him I guess. And she's friends his friend Sydney, so she's friends with the enemy and the enemy's friend. School has gone back to normal, I was pleased to find my grades did not slump at all..... so that's pretty much it.

IT WASN'T ME DIB!

Salut!

Zim

I'm Home!

2010-03-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

Oh I'm finally home! That trip was wretched. So boring! I came home to find that Cheche has successfully beat up Dib and that my base was safe from all spies. I know he did his job. GIR was happy to be home. The first thing he did was cover himself in dirt, find a pig and play in the mud with it, then he ran off to find the Dib-Human.

I have no idea why GIR likes that human, but it's good to have the little guy back.

I won't get any work done tonight over the sounds of GIR favorite show however. But I'll have the whole weekend to work on my plan. I'll be back on Monday, a spring in my step, to continue ruining Dib's teenage years.

I'm kinda excited about it, really.

There isn't too much going on at the base. I'm telling Cheche (who I learned is a girl) that she'll have to get used to GIR being counterproductive. She didn't seem to understand why I don't throw him in the trash with the old roboparents. (I upgraded. MUCH more lifelike. They've been getting wierd stares, even with all the upgrades I gave them before. Not to mention they're much smarter. They're already really popular at their jobs. I gave them special 'people pleasing' skills.)

Cheche'll have to prepare herself for the coming year if she doesn't want to go insane in all the GIR stink around here. (By the way, GIR stink is stupidity. There! Now if I ever refer to GIR stink, you know what it means.)

Does anyone know where I can get a ton (I mean 1 ton) of Uranium? Maybe I need more than that.... hm.

Bye! Off to work! (Need to look that up.)

Z

U

2010-03-17T12:14:00.001-07:00

Update

2010-03-16T15:49:00.001-07:00

I'm just going to start putting a big U on these. Check the Galaxy trip when you see it!

Stupid, Childish Dib.

2010-03-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

Stupid Dib. Upon reading his last post, he says I'm "not smart for putting all this up on my blog". I put it up because it doesn't make a difference whether he knows about it or not. They're all trivial little details that don't matter in the slightest to me. Like Cheche. I don't care if he knows about him! No one ever believes him anyway! Anyway... I gotta go. Bye!

3/12/10

2010-03-13T18:51:00.000-08:00

UPDATING MY GALAXY TRIP... FINDING GIR
---------------------------------->

3/10/10

2010-03-10T17:53:00.001-08:00

UPDATED: MY GALAXY TRIP, FINDING GIR -----------------> OVER ON TOOLBAR

ROAD TRIP!!! Well... Galaxy Trip....

2010-03-09T14:18:00.001-08:00

Ah... boredom reigns on a beautiful rainy day. I wait and watch for the Dib-human as he surely makes his way over to my house to see me, holding his spy-cam in my fist. He, naturally, will destroy all illusions that this filthy planet has a right to live. Yes, you may have noticed that I am in a worse mood than ever this morning. The reason, is quite simple. I had no breakfast this morning. No, not a SMALL breakfast, NO breakfast. And I will explain to you why:

So, the Tallests actually like me now, did you know that? Yeah they're the ones who call me every week to hear updates. They've been a bit disappointed with my progress, but I assure you, I have a plan. However, the Tallests blamed my slow progress on GIR. They suggested that they give me a new one, and take the "obsolete" version off my hands. I assured them that GIR was fine with me. They still insisted I take a new one, to help me while GIR's off doing... whatever. Dancing, most likely. I accepted, knowing not to turn down the Tallests offer twice. I also had the idea that the SIR unit could teach GIR how to behave a bit more. Just a bit, is that too much to ask?!?!?!? I got the SIR unit late last night- I was deep in my lab, making some new adjustments to my PAK and downloading all the answers to my Civics test I have tomorrow. (Even extra credit hehe) By the time I got upstairs, the SIR was already settling in, cleaning the house. "Where's GIR?" I asked. Sir replied: "The defect SIR unit you know as GIR was taken to be recycled. The man who delivered me told me to tell you that he heard you say you weren't fine with him."

I will admit it. I SCREAMED. SIR got all freaked out, afraid he did something wrong, (oh yeah, his name's Cheche)

So GIR did not make me breakfast. Or lunch (He normally disguises himself as my lunchbox, which I know Dib has figured out by now) or dinner. I'M STARVING AND CHECHE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO COOK! Even Dib noticed I didn't have my lunchbox. He even asked about it... I didn't know what to say... he'll probably read this, so he'll know. Cheche found his spy camera in about 2 seconds, which is useful, not that Dib'll be planting many more cameras.

But I'm going to find GIR. I'll keep you guys updating on where I am in the Universe, and what I'm doing- I'll even have a special page for it. Cheche is disguising himself as me so I won't be missing in school. I told him not to talk amap and to ace every test, which I'm sure he'll do.

Heading out now! Look for my lights in the sky tonight!

Z

AHHHH!!!!

2010-03-05T14:20:00.000-08:00

SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL MY ROBOT BEE!!!!!!!!! Ok, nah I'm kidding. I just yelled that as I ran out of the girls bathroom today, mainly so Dib would still think I'm the idiot I used to be. Let me explain why I was in the girl's bathroom in the first place:

So, I was walking to school when my PAK started to malfunction. It was buzzing, which is never a good sign. I knew I'd have to make repairs, but I didn't know where, so as soon as I got into school I went into the first bathroom I could find. I didn't care it was a girls, that kinda stuff doesn't matter to irkens. I pulled my PAK off and started to work on it with the handy-dandy little repair kit from the green emergen-C box I always keep on my person. I was repairing it, and almost done when the girls came in. My Pak was buzzing, and twitching, which probably made the WORST perverted sounds to them, but I continued to work. I was almost done, so I continued for another minute before the girls eventually wondered who was in the stall. They saw my green ankle, and (curse the skin ailment) started screaming, as they naturally knew I was male. I stuck my PAK on, having finished in the nick of time and ran out of the bathroom, passing Dib on the way. No doubt he got a skewed version of it. Checking his blog now. CYAS!

Zim.

DIB FINALLY LOST IT!!!!

2010-02-26T13:34:00.000-08:00

Dib cracked over Facebook. He thought I said something that I definitely DID NOT SAY. I'm over at a friends house and her cat Kat is making it really hard to type- I can't just talk, unlike at base. Whatever.

GUESS WHAT? I'M MIDDLE BRAIN ORIENTED:

Those who are middle-brain dominant tend to be more flexible than either the left or the right-brain folks; however, you often vacillate between the two hemispheres when you make decisions. You sometimes get confused when decisions need to be made because, neurologically speaking, you could do most tasks through either a left-brain or a right-brain method! A balanced score means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain depending upon a given situation. This combination makes you a creative and flexible thinker.The down side to having a more "balanced brain" is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways. You may also find career choices difficult due to your proficiency in several different areas.

However, I am VERY capable in deciding my career. Isn't it obvious? If I don't take over the world in the next 4 years, I'm going to become a politician. Think about it- how perfect wold that be? I mean, I could TOTALLY win over the people and become President- I'd be great for the job. I'm qualified- I mean, I have all the papers that SAY I'm qualified. I will be the people's president! (well, until they elect me.) as for impeachment- I have ways to stop that! HAHAHA!!! ( I know! I'm a genius, right?)

Well, I gotta go... Cora is bored... UGH! HUMANS!

Bye! See ya laters!

Zimz

March

2010-02-25T14:53:00.001-08:00

March is coming, and I'm preparing for my return to dazzling celebrity status. HAHA naw I'm kidding- fooled ya, didn't I worms???? Nope, I'm just lazing on the couch, enduring show after SHOW of The Scary Monkey Show, which is CRAP, by the way. But, I'm sure DIB already knew what I'm doing in my living room, DOESN'T HE???? Don't lie! I know you know!

Sorry....

So anyway...

Skool SUCKS!!! Remind me again why I go there? TO FIT IN?!?!?!? SCREW THAT!!!!!!! Sure, everyone thinks I'm a genius... that does NOT help my 'fit in' plan. I make it all better by realizing that Dib is just as unpopular as I am, if not more, and he probably fits in less than a kid with green skin and no ears. He sits with all the freaks at lunch, which I get a KICK out of. And it's really funny to watch him go through puberty. HAHA SUCKER!!! It was REALLY funny when he came to school with a bunch of zits on his face... hehe good memories. I called him Postulio for a month.

Well, I gotta go!

Bye!

Z

Cleaning!

2010-02-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

I'm cleaning out my base today. Pretty much leaving the upper levels (the facade) alone. Nothing goes on up there, and Dib normally hides his stupid cameras there anyway. So I'm cleaning out all of the crap in my many secret rooms, including all the turkey carcasses Gir leaves around once he's done with 'em. And all the bowls of salsa, syrup, milk, (He leaves that out so he can try to attract kittens apparently) and jello, plus waffles, pancakes, etc.

THAT ROBOT IS IRRITATING! He spent a TON of monies buying every single kind of food imaginable, and all because he wanted it. No nutritious food, no quality food. NO! It's all CRAP! Now I have to order some food that will keep me HEALTHY!!!

Well, byes I guess.

Z

Not much goin' on.

2010-02-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

I just took "my dog" (GIR) for a walk. I have recently read a book about how many creepos there really are in the world- safe to say it was a short one. I don't want to be hit in the head and dragged into an alleyway. Don't ask what book I read- I won't tell you.

Other than that, not much is going on- oh wow!!! I need to charge my phone... I'm expecting a call tomorrow. I'll be right back.

Ok- back to whatever I was saying. WHAT WAS I SAYING?!?!? I think I was just babbling. I'm gonna take an AP class next year. This is gonna suck. Thank god I have a computer to do my homework for me, and I bet I could upload the information into my PAK for tests. I guess I take back the comment on this sucking. It sucks for all worms who do not have PAKS, (Though I haven't yet met one who did. THAT would be awkward...)

This blog is my one spot where I can really let off steam. Just vent to the computer, who writes everything down, occasionally making side-comments. Gir doesn't blog very much, possibly because it doesn't really make any sense. He just yells random crap. I've given him the quest of ordering groceries from planet foodcourtia while I'm doing this because I'm starting to run low. Whatever.

Man is my house boring on a Friday night. Even the parent robots have something to do. Granted, they pretty much malfunction the entire time they leave the house, but they have a life. Normally I have to pick them up at the police station because they like, hit someone with a punch cup or something stupid like that. I really don't understand you humans.

My god you would think iTunes would download things faster. I've been waiting twenty minutes for my music to download. I stole an ipod last year. It's kinda entertaining. I definitely like the music.

Well, I guess I gotta go see if I can find a life in a trash can that no one wanted or something.

See yas!

Zimmers!

Hm...

2010-02-15T17:13:00.000-08:00

This sucks. Tomorrow is Tuesday. I don't want to go to that horrible hell-hole the humans call skool. Whatever. I got some serious work done this weekend- I was super busy. I think I only got around 2 hours of sleep over all. Whatever, I know this is a short blog. See yas!

Zimmy

YAY!

2010-02-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

There is no school today. FINALLY I can have more that 2 days to work on my wonderful plans and wipe you all out. However, I'm not telling you my ingenious plan, because I'M NOT AN IDIOT. I know you all have glorified ideas of catching me, and saving the human race, blah blah blah. EARTH TO THE HUMAN RACE: NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Meanwhile, Gir is going through a smoothie phase. GREAT! He's been making them with irken ingredients, and forcing me to eat them. I have to, because do you know how hard it is to concentrate when an idiotic robot is crying behind you? VERY HARD!! Anyway, he just made a raspberry one, and added a ton of sweetener. It's not too bad. I should email the recipe to the tallests. It seems like their kind of food. I also think they'd like a human food called pretzels. I haven't been willing to risk my life to see if they'll kill me or give me an allergic reaction so far, but Gir eats them all the time. But then again... he eats anything. He went out last night and bought every single fruit mentos package in every single store he could find and brought them all home. My living room is covered in mentos. And then he found a video on the internet on how to get mint mentos to explode and had to go buy mint mentos, and TONS of Diet Coke. My living room will also be VERY sticky for a VERY long time. Anyway, I have to go get a sponge and scrub the floor. (Stupid soda) I'll get Gir to help though. He'll think it's a blast, as long as I tie the sponges to his feet so he can pretend to be an ice-skater.

Z

I'm back

2010-02-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

STUPID NICKTOONS HUMANS! YOU HAVE ONE MONTH TO SURRENDER TO ME, ZIM!!!!! OR YOU WILL BE DESTROYED!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sorry I blew up on you there. Just got a bit excited though, cause you know, I've kinda been a DEAD show for EVER! (Now that I think of it, it's a bit wierd that I even have a show...) And I am eternally grateful to my almighty leaders, the Tallest, for recognizing my greatness and allowing my prolonged stay on this planet. Though I must admit, you spineless jelly worms are putting up a good fight. I guess you deserve to be called just plain jelly worms now. But I must say, you're a pathetic race. You would be gone, if that infernal Dib-monkey hadn't interefered. I heeeaaard that he was making a blog tooo... IF ANY OF YOU CREEPY STALKERS WHO ACTUALLY READ THIS GO TO HIS WEBSITE I WILL BRING MY VOOT CRUISER AND FILL YOUR FAMILY WITH DOOOOOOOOKIE! .....As Gir would say.....(I finally learned what stalker means.... BE PROUD!!!)

Signing off,

Watch for me....

WITH DOOKIE!

Zim

No Point.

2010-01-19T18:06:00.000-08:00

I suppose I should say sorry. That I should make up some lame excuses for why I haven't updated. It's quite simple really. I'm much too busy. You won't hear from me all the time, although you might sometimes. ((By the way, have any of you seen Avatar? Amazing!) Sure, I'll write. But it's not my main thing, so suck it up. I have world to conquer, and it's a pretty demanding job.

Anyway, I don't mean to explode on you. Not feeling too great. Some kids at school have 'pink eye'. Is it possible for me to get it? I don't think so, but it's still creepy, seeing their eyes all bloodshot. Anyway,

Invader Zim, signing off!

Ah-Mazing Story Time!

2009-12-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, this story is a bit late, forall you individuals who actually are stupid enough to read this blog, and I must say iheartzim225@hotmail.com, first of all- your name is creepy. 2nd of all- thank you for all the wonderful gift ideas for Gir, (even though I didn't ask for any...) He loved them all. I was lucky enough to recieve a letter from the Dib-Human, (I'm sure Gir put him up to it,) telling me Merry Christmas, (or whatever I celebrated), ham soap from Gir, plus some disgustingly sticky waffles, THAT HE ACTUALLY WRAPPED, SYRUP & ALL, and a punch from Gaz. (I'm serious, I walked past her house and she punched me. Crazy, huh?) Anyway, Christmas was pretty stupid, but Gir loved it, so I suppose it was ok. Anyway, I have to make this quick (in other words, stop rambling,) because some friends and I are going to see AVATAR. They said I had to come along, cause I was practically a cousin of the Na'vi, what with my green skin and all. Jerks.

(Suspenseful music starts to play)

So I was in this store, buying Gir another pig, on that could actually move when for some strange glitch, my PAK fell off. I turned around to grab it, but some little girl had it in her hand! "Give that back!" I said, but she REFUSED, telling me to get my own. She pointed at a large display of metal backpacks, that ALL LOOKED LIKE MY PAK. I pointed out that that one couldn't open, and she just shrugged, and said she'd tear it open. TEAR. IT. OPEN. WTF? (Hehe, I'm getting good at human terms.) TEAR OPEN MY PAK? And then her mom came up, and started asking her, "is this green boy irritating you? You need to see a doctor, boy. My daughter saw that toy first, let her have it." I tried explaining that I'd bought that one a week ago, right? Which is why it didn't have a price tag on it, and I'd modified it, using my genius little mind (yes, I actually convinced them that I was a boy genius) and now my little brother wanted one. They wanted to see, naturally, (this is where the part comes in where it reveals how GENIUS I truly am) so I told them I needed it back. They gave me it back, I reconnected it, (I'd been having trouble speaking,) and I used my mech-legs. The little girl instantly wanted it back, but I (being a cunning little devil,) just ran away. Haha. I think they might track me down and sue. Whatever.

See you Earthanoids!

Almighty Z

Amazing Story!

2009-12-21T13:55:00.000-08:00

You will all be amazed at the miraculous story of brilliant daring I (Zim,) am about to tell you. I was shopping at the store, buying another piggy for Gir when a little girl... (amazingly suspenseful music) STOLE MY PAK!!! Anyway... sorry I have to go. Tell peoples later!

SH! don't tell Gir!

2009-12-16T17:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I just got back from shopping, and while Gir was in the toy aisle I ran over to get his present. I got him:

1: pack of bacon.
1: BELGIAN waffle mix. (Yeah, that's right, BELGIAN)
2: Frozen Taquito boxes. (6 taquitos a-piece)
1: Life size pig toy

DON'T TELL GIR HIS PRESENT OR I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU.

X-mas, X-mas, X-mas!!!

2009-12-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

Gir has officially has the topper of the insanity list. He cried, and cried, and CRIED until I got one of those... furry piney thingys that people decorate. We had to go all the way out to what you call... a 'farm' to BUY one! Yes, I know you are shocked! We had to BUY one! So I bought one, and apparently you have to buy little lights and 'ornaments'. So Gir bought twenty-billion of those too (no exaggeration there folks) Anyway, Gir wants to go out to buy presents for the Dib-human. BYE

My Crazy Robot

2009-12-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

Ok- you know this music called Country??? Well, a classmate made me listen to some (I'm thinking about killing her) by an artist called Taylor Swift. 1st of all: Taylor Swift, your name is wierd. Second, country music is hypnotizing. That is, if you live past the first verse to hear the chorus. Anyway, Gir is totally obsessed now. Oh, you think I got hypnotized? Oh no, obviously it was the robot. I swear, every single time he plays Big Green Tractor and tries (unsuccessfully) to sing along I barf. It's disgusting. Now that I think of it, the only human music that actually interests me (though limitedly,) is Linkin Park and Disturbed. Gir hates Disturbed.

Another thing Gir likes is Mulan. He made a Youtube account, (though I'm not telling you it) and has every single song from the Mulan movies in a single playlist. And while I'm complaining about the robot I might as well make a list of all the things you don't know about Gir that irritate me:

1. Mulan is his favorite Disney movie (He's made me watch all of them) because, as he puts it- "The chubby man reminds me of a piggy"
2. He's stalking Rihanna (yes, that's how much he loves her)
3. Bacon is his favorite food (the pain...)
4. He is making an Invader Zim action figure. WHY???
5. He plays X-Box until 3 in the morning.
6. He invite Dib over to have a ping-pong gun war. THEY DESTROY THE LIVING ROOM!!!
7. He is just plain stupid. (You probably knew that one)
8. He always expects me to eat his waffles.
9. He always sneaks up on me whenever I'm working on my PAK so I screw up.
10. He's super loud during my transmissions to the Tallests.

And many other things he does too, though I'm limiting the list.

Well, I have to go feed my mutant squid/monkey! Bye!

Z

Boredom!

2009-12-15T14:32:00.000-08:00

Hello, pathetic jigglers. I must apologize, something I DETEST doing! That was the link for the unedited version of the book. Oops. Here's the edited link: http://www.blurb.com/my/book/detail/1093414 Even with a little preview! Woo! I've already ordered my copy, so I can see how much information she truly has, the little scumbag. I salute you though, brave child! (Girl who wrote the book.) However, I'm warning the little humans who might try to replicate her plan: Give up now. Your efforts are futile. The amazing ZIM! will find you! I will hunt you down, because really, one book spilling all my secrets is enough.

Anyway, I'm telling Computer to put all of this on my blog. I just speak and it types it all out. Sometimes you can hear multiple voices. Gir wants to get on, NOT YET GIR! AHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT BACON!!! AHHH!

BACCOOOONNN! WOOOO!

GO AWAY GIR!!!

YES, MY MASTER! BUT LET ME ON SOOOON! MUST... BLOG... BEFORE... SCARY MONKEY SHOW!

Ok, I think he's gone. Whew he really- AHHHHH GIR! NO SLUSHIES IN THE LAB! GET OUT! NOW! GO IRRITATE DIB!

YES, MY MASTER!

Ok, now he really is gone. I heard him leave the base. That robot needs way too much attention. Well, I'm going to leave before he comes back so he can blog.

Bye, worms!

Girs Blog!

2009-12-14T15:31:00.001-08:00

Just as I (The Mighty Zim,) said, Gir has created a blog at http://crazysir.blogspot.com/ It's.... 'interesting'.

Anyways, the New Moon buzz is settling down. I heard a girl in skool today saying a wormbaby named 'Taylor Lautner' was hot, but she had dragged me to that movie and he was not on fire as far as I could see. Crazy humans. Oh, but I got an e-mail from a girl who was an aspiring author about a book she has published on a site called www.Blurb.com (totally free) and I was terrified to see that it had TONS of information on my race! It was amazing, and terrifying! So, as you are all my hypnotized Earthanoids, and you will not blow my secret, it is perfectly safe for me to give you this: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1089139 . It is the link to buy it, if you are seriously that obsessed.

Anyways, Z is GONE! (Like lightning! I'm a ninja- that thing you humans are so obsessed about)

The Buzz

2009-11-20T19:43:00.000-08:00

Ok-would ONE of you pathetic worms tell me why there is such a large buzz on New Moon? I know someone who went at Midnight. It's not pathetic if there is a good reason. A stupid human told me in school to read the books. Read? Human books?!? I'm ok. Anyway,

IZ OUT

Yes, I know... still haven't updated. Whatever.

2009-11-18T16:00:00.000-08:00

Well, Gir was the reason I still haven't updated. The stupid robot! GRRRR! He wouldn't stop being so irritating! He was playing with those stupid rubber pigs alll week! It was so stupid! Then he invited a REAL pig to my base! You cannot believe the GERMS!!! Anyways, Invader Zim out!

RAWR

2009-11-06T15:10:00.001-08:00

Yes, I know you pitiful humans were worried about me, weren't you? Do not worry, the infernal Dib-human broke into my beautiful base and destroyed the main computer. I had to fix it, and then it fixed the rest of that wretched worms damage. I will be back and writing normally, I assume.

FLOCK TO HIM!!!

2009-10-21T17:51:00.001-07:00

My ever humble slave GIR is creating a blog later in the week. Flock to it!!!

Remembrance

2009-10-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

Hello all you Earthinoids. I now have my base settled, and assuming you worms are as stupid as you look-though tall, which is something I still need to convince the Tallest of- I believe you will never believe any of this. So I am recapping my entire AMAZING journey to your puny and smelly cess covered planet. After being assigned my TOP SECRET HIGHLY IMPORTANT mission and got my ADVANCED G.I.R. Unit, I flew away, to the unknown planet, which it turns out is WEAK because its only defender is a little boy-grrrr- named DIB. Ugh! Anways, I will finish later... this is a long story. ENJOY YOUR LAST FEW WEEKS PATHETIC WORMS!

Invader Zim, signing off.

I am a GENIUS!!!

2009-10-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

Hello human worm babies. I am here joining this 'blogging' site because I feel it will help me finish my disguise. ZIM IS ALL POWERFUL!!! You are here reading this pitiful 'blog' because you, like all nasty larvae, have nothing better to do. And I will use this to my benefit. You will all fall under the hypnotic spell of ZIM'S GENIUS!!!
Hi there! I'm G.I.R.! Do you know where pig went? We were in the middle of a tea party! YA-HOO!!!
GIR! (That's my pitiful minion. He is very ADVANCED technology so I will not expect you disgusting HUMANS to understand the complexities of his personality.) I have a new PLAN. More later!

ALL MIGHTY ZIM...

OUT!